Author name: bhuvaneshchandar

Short Stories

Pauses

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I can hear Kuru, the sparrow, from my balcony as I get done brushing my teeth. But I notice, even Kuru’s song doesn’t wake him up nowadays. I go to his room to check on him. A few years ago he used to wake me up, yet I have no memory of how he used to do it. What were the words he used to wake me up? Every day, before he wakes up, I arrange his prescription doses in order and I keep a reminder note next to them. It will have a specific task that he’s supposed to do that day. It was something that his doctor asked me to do – I still wonder what use can come out of giving such menial tasks to someone as old as him. I close the drapes of the east-facing window and I sit near him. He prefers to keep the window curtains open at nights. I think stargazing helps him sleep better. My dad used to stargaze as well, and maybe this is where he got the habit from. Just a split second before I sit on the chair next to Kani, I remember that it creaks, but by then it’s too late and I am already halfway there. I need to fix this chair someday but of late he seems to sleep deeper and better, and even if a rooster enters the place and crows, he will remain untroubled. Oh yeah, that happened a few weeks back. It was a strange morning. Anyway, I always forget to fix that chair. Maybe I’ll do it today. I sit here and I wait for him to wake up on his own. I have stopped waking him up, even as the doctor amma advised me to wake him up early so that he takes his tablets on time. But I never seem to have the heart to do it. I just sit here and I observe him sleeping. His breathing is more rattled than ever, even as his big belly seems to rise up and down at regular intervals. Kani’s face bears an expression of unease when he’s asleep. After all these years, his eyes still look as if there is something left for him to do. Like he is constantly unsatisfied with something. I asked doctor amma about it and she said that sometimes the human mind is capable enough to realise that it is deteriorating, and all that growing spaces in his memories might disturb him. Kani has gone through a lot recently and I am now going to wake him up. He wakes up around 7AM and he smiles at me, and I smile back. Every year, during the summer vacations, my dad used to bring me here to meet my grandparents and my grandpa’s smile would be the first welcome I get. I believe that in his own sweet world, every morning when he wakes up and looks at me, it feels as if a long time went by and that I am back for my vacation. He asks the routine questions about my well-being and he starts reciting a story from his early 20s. It’s always the same story of a love relationship he had before meeting my grandma. However, the versions have changed over time. Earliest of the versions were about how chivalrous he was in wooing a girl from his neighbourhood and how he faced all the troubles. But nowadays, the story has gotten very crisp, as if it lost all the flesh and only the bare bones remain. The latest versions however, include all the mistakes he made and why she had to leave him. It’s as if he has begun to shed away all the lies that he once told himself to convince why something was how it was. My grandpa has seen a lot more things in his time than this one love relationship, and yet he chooses to tell me this particular story every single day me and I wonder why. He tells a different story to doctor amma whenever she visits but she refuses to tell me about it. “I understand he’s your grandpa. But that story is between him and myself.” Today’s Wednesday, which means that doctor amma will be visiting us in the afternoon along with her nurse, Tara, and I get to go out and meet my friends in the city. Tara will take care of Kani till I return late evening, listening to whatever story he always tells her. I pay extra money to doctor amma for this break. I prepare lunch separately for Kani and for doctor amma and Tara. Since they have to travel from the city, I always ask them to have lunch here. Every time a car enters the yard, Kani gets excited wondering who is visiting him, even if I had just told him that Tara is on her way and it’s the same red Swift that Tara drives. After lunch, doctor amma chats with her patient for a few minutes and after her routine tests, we get ready to leave. Since Tara is staying back, I drop doctor amma at her house. Like always, we chat for a while and like always, the conversation turns into an argument. Don’t get me wrong, Doctor amma and Tara have done a lot to my family, especially after my dad’s untimely death, but I am sometimes skeptical of her methods. I am not a doctor but it never appeals to me why certain things are that way. This time, the argument was about the everyday tasks that we give to Kani. “I don’t know how this all seems to you, but he has progressed a lot. He is a bit more energetic than before, but his age and time are not on his side da, kanna” “Sure, from having to walk and sit at the lawn, we’ve progressed to asking him to draw shapes on a piece of paper, without even

Short Stories

Too Many People [Explanation via Q & A]

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If you haven’t  read the short story yet, it is advisable to read the short story first before continuing. Click this link to read the short story : Too Many People [Satirical Fiction] DISCLAIMER: Once a piece of art is out to the consumer, it is theirs and they have all liberty and power to interpret it in any way they want. This post is directed only to those people who couldn’t understand a lot of elements pertaining to the story. I had to post this, as I was asked the same type of questions by many of my readers. As a responsible servant to my readers, it is my duty to answer the queries and explain them. So here are 5 questions which were repeatedly asked.   Why did the Old man, who lived across the river, die in the story? The old man was so lonely and the smile from the loner encouraged him to cross the river and go to his house. Here, the river suggests the coating of layers/walls we add to ourselves to keep people away from us. Most of the times, it feels uncomfortable when someone breaks those walls unannounced and here, the old man encroached the loner’s private space, and thereby his mental space. The loner, who has a wavering mind, looks at this as a sign of danger (his comfortable lifestyle of staying away from people has been ruined and he kills the old man instinctively) Loneliness creeps back and he cries in pain, as he just killed the only person who was there in his life. Why did you kill off the loner in the end of the story? The loner had to die, just because it was time for him. He couldn’t live alone in his forest after the death of the old man, and he couldn’t live in the town either, and his issues grew every day. His time was up and he had to pass on the pain to the girl, almost like passing a baton to the next runner. The story’s theme required that kind of an ending. Any other ending would have mellowed down the intensity of the character’s issues and the weight of the theme. What is the reasoning behind the series of events? The story has signs indicating that the old man (and possibly the two others too) was suffering from some unknown mental illness. The reality of the events itself is in question here. So there are 2 possibilities Possibility 1 – Everything happened as it happened. In which case, he kills the old man because of the above said reason, then decides to follow the girl to the town and give the human civilisation another shot. But his mental health deteriorated day by day, and he realises that there is no escape from the reality — The “Vultures” will always follow him, he’ll be alone even amidst people, he did kill the old man, and depression will always be a part of him.  A million thoughts hit him, and what happens later is self-explanatory. Possibility 2 – Everything is a figment of an imagination created by their mind, only 2 other people can relate to this world, as they themselves are in it. There’s a high chance that they’re just inmates in a psych ward who share the same pain. Or maybe, as the line in the story suggests, maybe we’re all the patients in this psych ward called “The Society”, and maybe these 3 are the only sane “prisoners” in it. They never knew, and so we would never know too! So, “Maybe there was no forest. Maybe that girl was in fact his daughter or some relative.” Maybe his life in the forest is some hallucination. Maybe that is why he never knew how he got his factory-made, roasted coffee beans. What do the Vultures signify? The vultures are like the people who feed on us and follow us to our graves. But on a deeper level, the vultures signify the issues the loner has been facing. He fed them for so long, unintentionally, and they feasted on him even after he died. This is why the girl sees the vultures only after the loner is dead, because now the pain is transferred onto her. Should stories be so eerie and dark? Why can’t such stories have a happy ending? No. “Should” is a wrong word. But, stories can be eerie and dark. Stories can be anything and everything. Mental health issues are topics I take very seriously and sincerely. A small deviation can trivialise mental illnesses. In order to keep it true to my heart, it required that the story be formatted and written in such a way. This story contains no direct information regarding any particular illness and I want to write more stories, in more genres, in a million different ways, and stories that also talk about mental health issues.  Thanks a ton for reading my short story and the explanation Q & A. Much love, and some more love to you.

Short Stories

Too Many People [Satirical Fiction]

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Author’s Note: The following short story is a satirical semi-fiction. The characters and events that take place are purely fictional, while the theme, structure of the story and irony in the plot are inspired from real life. As the narration required the use of metaphor, irony, simile and other literary devices, they are used with artistic liberty at a few areas. As the story contains elements of gore at certain places, reader’s discretion is advised.  Deep into the woods, when the thick fog envelops the pine forest into a grey cloud on earth, you’ll find the signs of a man who wandered the forest. He wandered and wandered, so much that the howling birds didn’t fly away in fear, for they even knew the scent of his sweat. Vultures followed him to get a taste of the meat that he leaves behind. Reckless animals ran reckless, for they were not comfortable with the idea of ending up in his tummy. He wandered and he wandered. He started to wander there because the last person he was with chopped him into a million pieces and said before leaving – “Hey, you’re a mess. Come out of this cocoon, and you can live happily with other people”. So he decided to stay in the forest. He lived in a cozy house made of wood, which happened to be closer to a river. Probably the sounds of the water were the only thing that reminded him of the human civilization and made him feel less lonely. Not that he didn’t know how miserable that was, but he believed that he had no choice. I hope you understand that there was no internet in the forest and so that means – no motivational YouTube videos on how to feel confident, less lonely and “more extroverted“. After a decade, an old man came to the forest and lived on the other side of the river. “Hey, I think I recognise him from somewhere”, thought the lonely man. “Oh yeah, I had a life before I came to this place. Must be someone from there”, he answered to himself. Since then, they both started playing a little game. They would start fishing from the river and after a few hours, at some random point, the old man would stop, get up and shout the number of fishes he had collected in his old aluminium bucket. “27”, and the loner would reply “21”. The old man would smile and walk back to his house. The man with the least number of fishes caught wins. “50”, “57”, and the smile. “321”, “410”, and the smile. “121”, “1”, and the smile. Whether he won the game or not, every time it was only the old man who was smiling. Probably the loner thought of smiling as an act of a man with bad ethics – an action attached with deception, conceit, kindness and love – all such “Evil Acts”. But he didn’t mind the old man smiling at him. He understood that not everyone were as wise as him. In this modern era, his days went on like this – he’d get up, drink coffee, wander the forest for supplies, bathe in the waterfalls, build some furniture from pine woods and bamboos, cook food, play with the old man and scribble something in his little wood-bounded notebooks, before going to sleep. And if you’re wondering how he drinks coffee, even he himself wonders as to how he gets his factory made roasted coffee beans. Also, did I forget to tell you that he had a diary-writing habit? He also had a degree from some reputed institution. The degree certificate used to hang in a wall near the front door for all people to see it. The forest was massively crowded with a human population of 2. But you can never be sure – someone might just turn up on this side of the shore and might glance at that degree certificate. Oh god, what would this loner do when the population rises up to 3? A good decade went on like this and one fine day, while fishing along with the old man, the loner caught a gold skinned fish. Inside that fish, there was a golden fish-hook. Oh God! Is it possible that there were 3 people living in the forest now? As usual, the old man shouted some number, realised he lost and smiled. But this time, something strange happened – the man smiled back. The old man grinned and they both walked away. The next day, after returning from his routine walks, the man picked up his fishing tools that were lying outside and headed towards the river. But strangely he couldn’t find the old man on the opposite shore. After waiting for a few minutes, he decided to fish alone. It was a strange new feeling. See, that’s the thing with loneliness. You never realise it unless someone took up that space and then decided to give it back without notice. This strange cycle of loneliness and companionship can follow you to even the densest of the forests you can find. After a few hours, the man started walking back to his house. Upon reaching the front entrance, he sensed a strange odour coming from his house. As he walked inside, he looked at a scene that his wise old brain couldn’t comprehend – the old man from the other side of the river, was sitting inside the lonely man’s house and reading his books, with a plate of fish fries on the other hand. The lonely man’s eyes turned red, and he erupted in rage. He ran towards the old man, and sliced his head in half with his axe. The old man’s head was split in half, and his face was carrying the expression of terror and surprise that shook him within a matter of seconds. As the man, pulled the bloody blade out of the brains, he felt empty – an

Cinespecs

“Looking closer, with misty eyes”

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“LOOKING CLOSER, WITH MISTY EYES” – By Bhuvanesh Chandar. HOW ILL-FATED IS FATE? – The juxtaposition THE COSMIC TOUCH! PERFECTLY USED CROSS-CUTTING! THE WHAT-IF THE BEAUTIFUL PREM KUMAR! FRAMES, LIKE NECTAR 96 – THE EXPERIENCE   [ SPOILERS ALERT!] HOW ILL-FATED IS FATE? – The juxtaposition: After almost 22 years of leaving his hometown, his home, his friends, his school and his love of life, due to his father’s debt issue, and after years of finding brief solaces in his favourite Salon shop (due to dejection caused by things as simple as coming across a bus that travels to his hometown) and finding comfort in his travelling trips, after exhausting journeys to memory lanes where Jaanu resides, Ram finally travels again to Thanjavur, along with his student, Prabha. He shows her around his hometown with such passion, engulfed in the obvious scent of Nostalgia. “Enga oor oda pazhaya busstand’u, echi oorum bakery, enga oor ku modhal la vandha mall”, and hesitatingly “Indha theru orathula dhan enga veedu“. “Shall I stop near your house?” Prabha, who is driving the car, asks and he reluctantly says “Illa yaarachum paatha kepaanga, pesanum“. I, who watching this movie for the 2nd time, couldn’t help, but gulp the lump in my throat. The thought that “Oh how would they react and what would they talk, when they see this boy, who along with his family ran away from the town 22 years ago due to debt?” seems to be running in his mind. How difficult it should be to not be able to go back and talk to his neighbours, and the only place he doesn’t hesitate to go and visit, is his school. There, amidst the smell of chalk powder, old wooden benches and the taste of nectar from Ixora flowers (Vedchi poo), he will always be K. Ramachandran – 10 C. THE COSMIC TOUCH! It felt so beautiful to notice that, after missing Jaanu for over a week, he grazes her bench in the classroom with his fingers, before settling in his place. And in the present day when he visits the school, Ram sits in Jaanu’s place first before sitting in his place. Even Jaanu, after finishing her 12th standard, and after 2 years of Ram desolating her, goes to their 10th grade classroom and she sits in Ram’s place and rests her head in dejection. It’s almost as if there’s a song playing in that universe, celebrating these cosmic physical touches between these two souls.  PERFECTLY USED CROSS-CUTTING! Another beautiful moment was when Director Prem Kumar decided to use simultaneity editing technique (cross cutting) when Jaanu realises that Ram has also come for the reunion and walks towards him. She is nervous, excited and confused as she is going to meet him after all these years. It cuts back and forth to a young Jaanu going back to school after a vacation, only to find that the love of her life has deserted her – at least that’s what she thought. There’s a beautiful contrast that is exhibited, in this way of storytelling – the high school Jaanu unexpectedly loses her Ram for a lot of years, and the present day Jaanu, unexpectedly goes on a journey with him for a night and loses him again. THE WHAT-IF: Life always seems to revolve around what-Ifs. Insecurities, goals, dreams, experiences, relationships – everything tends to have what-ifs in them or sometimes they are started because of what-ifs. Probably the most beautiful and heart breaking moment in the movie was when Jaanu takes Ram in a what-if ride while reciting a tale to his students as to how Ram proposed Jaanu in her college.  The collateral beauty in that scene was too much to handle.  I wished that What-if was a what-is. THE BEAUTIFUL PREM KUMAR: Another thing which I loved about the screenwriting is that, Prem, as a writer, doesn’t leave us hanging there when it comes to the future of Ram. There are subtle signs all over the movie that his student, Prabha, is actually interested in him. Remember that Jaanu tells him that she wants to meet his future wife and tell her that she has to take real care of him, and that she would never ever get a guy like Ram. And we also come to know that this is what Prabha tells Jaanu, when she mistakes her as Ram’s wife. This is not conclusive, yet not vague too. It gives us hope that there might be something to look forward in the life of Ram too. Dialogues such as — “Aambala  naatukattai. Yaaruku dhan unna pidikadhu”, “seekram kalyanam panniko, un pasangala naan paakanum”, “yen naan K Ramachandran ah love pannitu, Saravanan ah kalyanam pannikala?” and the very fact that Jaanu is happily married and has kids, would have, hopefully, brought a change in Ram. After all, “Jaanu solli Ram kekkaama irupaana?” (Would Ram ever disobey ‘his’ Jaanu?) FRAMES, LIKE NECTAR: 96 was an experience. Cinematography surely played an major role in creating this experience. I noticed that there was a lot of symmetrical framing, and in most of them, there’s a line, imaginary or not, that divided Jaanu and Ram – whether it was the shot at the last day in school when they talk alone, or the shot when they are standing outside their classroom, or when they take a walk over that bridge, or when they travel in metro, and even in the last scene when they are at the airport before Jaanu boards her plane, you can see a line between them. Subhashini and Murali should be relieved that neither of them crossed that line! I’m waiting for the Blu-ray release of the film so that I can show you all the beautiful frames in the film and talk about the cinematography in detail. Congratulations Shanmuga Sundaram and Prem kumar! 96 – THE EXPERIENCE: I watched the movie twice and I’m still not out of the world of Jaanu and Ram. I can still feel Ram and

Musings

Socialising and the importance of the “ME” time

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One who has acute knowledge about socialising in different situations, and one who is  also comfortable being with oneself – i.e one who embraces solitude and learns to spend time with oneself is truly invincible.   While due to the exposure to social medias, and other platforms, more and more people seem to be comfortable with the former, the latter seems to fail many people and by nature is more hazardous to them. In fact some people have learnt to be able to socialise without any Social Medias, but they struggle every day in the company of their own selves.   When asked about what advice he would give to young people, famous Russian Filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky said – “I’d like to say only that they should learn to be alone and try to spend as much time as possible by themselves. I think one of the faults of young people today is that they try to come together around events that are noisy, almost aggressive at times. This desire to be together in order to not feel alone is an unfortunate symptom, in my opinion. Every person needs to learn from childhood how to spend time with oneself. That doesn’t mean he should be lonely, but that he shouldn’t grow bored with himself because people who grow bored in their own company seem to me in danger, from a self-esteem point of view.”   Often times, due to some subjective changes in lifestyles, socialising and learning solitude seem to be a choice people have to make, and choosing one is always tough. But people need to learn to move with the stream. If you haven’t learnt to be comfortable with yourself, it is fine to take some space, learn new skills, practice art or go on solo trips. If that doesn’t work, don’t worry, you’ll learn it in your own way. I, personally, try to “marinate” my mind, with moments which were a learning curve, relationships which had a sense of “Me” in it ,and with Words and Movie moments which are close to my heart.   Also, the ones who learn to embrace the walls around them, seem to be in a better space than the ones who strive desperately every day to break those walls. The idea that your introverted phases are worse than the extroverted ones is delusional and in long term can be self-destructive. What defines you changes and so don’t try to surf upstream. A comfortable Ambivert is often a person who has seen both the extremes and who doesn’t shy away from being what he/she is.   In any day, trying to socialise as well as spending time for oneself is going to be a hell of a task. In a time when people find it hard to have a proper work-life balance, allocating time for socialising and for ourselves is indeed almost impossible, but that doesn’t trivialise the importance of a work-life balance, socialising and the “ME” time in our lives.

Musings

You’re just one decision away….

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In a time filled with uncertainty, anxiety and insecurity, related to almost every aspect of an individual’s life, are we even undermining or neglecting, the options we have over controlling our lives?   I strongly believe that we’re just one decision away from “being closer” to everything we desire. And whether you’re going to take that decision or not, doesn’t matter as long you’re constantly aware that you’re just a decision away from being at least an inch closer.   How cool it is to know that even though you may not control your dreams, there are a few things, that you can control in the journey towards your dreams?   How cool is it to know that you’re just a decision away, from ‘being close’ to everything that others around you, are trying to be – Rich, Popular, “successful“, influential, blah blah blah – and yet you decide to weigh what is right and wrong according to YOU, the self-sufficient individual, and you choose your path in your own way?   How satisfying it is to know that you can measure your life based on the decisions you take and not time, and thereby you can minimise the effect of the unforeseen circumstances by patting yourself at the back saying “At least I was screwed up by my own decision and not some illusion called time based on which everyone else seem to be operating”?   Will this mindset work? Honestly, I don’t know. But again, I believe that it’s not about whether it’ll work, but it’s about deciding and pursuing it to see if it works and having this thought in your consciousness. Believe. #Decisions 

Musings

“…And what is done in love is well done”

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All my life till now, many people have told me this – “Bhuvanesh, your interests are very scattered. Why don’t you fix something you love and do that thing very well and be successful in that field?” And every time I heard this, I either told the other person or wanted to tell them that “I don’t do anything that I don’t love and hypothetically, even if I did something out of coercion or out of hate, I wouldn’t be talking about it all the time with you with such zing and passion” All my life till now, I had to give up one thing to be able to pursue another. When I was in 4th standard, I had to choose DCA (computer application course) over Karate as an extra-curricular. While growing up I had to choose one particular sport – Cricket/ Football/ Table tennis/ Badminton. Table tennis and Badminton went out of my life in the same pace it entered and then I chose Cricket. My close friends would have definitely heard, at least once, about the love-hate story between me, my cricket and the decisions which screwed up my cricketing dreams. I have taken innumerable decisions like that right from my schooling days. What hurt me more was, when I thought of the opportunity cost that I incurred in taking up one option. What if I put equal effort, time and dedication in all sports? What if I learnt karate from some other academy and not from my school? What if I had chosen the other one and became successful? “What if, what if, what if”.  Other issues such as financial factors, transportation, time, etc. added more logs to this. All these anxious thoughts brought down my self-esteem and somewhere down the line and I found myself as just another person who was just average in almost everything. During those days, the parameters of measuring whether you are average or below or above were if you were exceptional in it, whether you being exceptional in it, was a popular thing, whether you have participated in competitions and won any awards. Things are changed now. The stereotypical questions still linger around me, I still need money to pursue the art forms I love, but my perspective about my interests and passion has changed. People still tell me to “Be passionate about only one thing and be great at it”. But I have started to ignore it as this pressure to be great is what withheld my inner strength all along. I write, I have started to paint and I will make a film someday. But I am not doing it to be a great painter or a great writer or a great film maker. I am going to do it because I LOVE it, because I want to EXPRESS myself and because I really don’t care about the parameters anymore. I believe that if you put in love and if you make art with dedication and if you expressed yourself honestly, greatness will come and knock your doors until and unless someone else with your identity, your love, your pain, your experience and your mind is born somewhere else in this planet. Bruce Lee said “I don’t fear for the man who practised 10000 kicks once, I  fear for the man who practised 1 kick 10,000 times” and what I am trying to say is if you love all the 10,000 kicks, never hesitate to practise all 10,000 kicks, a 10,000 times or more.  People have ridiculed me for this opinion I carry. “Who are you trying to impress?”, They ask and the answer is I want to impress my own consciousness and I strive every day to be as free as I can of the numbing social conditionings in my life. I am going to say this and be done with it – I want to make films; I write and I want to write more, I have started painting, I want to learn Violin someday, I want to travel a lot, read a lot, I want to buy a proper DSLR camera and pursue photography, I want to learn Jeet kune Do someday, I want to learn to cook, I want to set up my own company, I love learning about Firearms and I love flowers as I think they are very personal, beautiful and genuine as gifts ( literally, Guns and Roses 😛 ) and I want to have lots and lots of real conversations with many honest souls. I want to and I’d love to do a million more things. Bruce Lee said “I don’t fear for the man who practised 10000 kicks once, I  fear for the man who practised 1 kick 10,000 times” and what I am trying to say is if you love all the 10,000 kicks, never hesitate to practise all 10,000 kicks, a 10,000 times or more. Thank you for reading keeping aside all your judgements. If you believe that you will love to do something, then by all means please do it. Van Gogh says – “If there is a voice inside you which says you can’t paint, and then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced”. A few days ago I spoke about this at an open mic and someone came up to me and informed about a quote which has been very highly misquoted. The original quote is – “Jack of all trades, master of none, is oftentimes better than master of one”

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