Author name: bhuvaneshchandar

Musings

To The ‘Idea of You’

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The Idea of You It’s been a long time and I still can’t believe that I even thought of writing something like this. I don’t even remember the last time I thought about you. Human mind is so strange isn’t it – All those memories, and after all that effort I had put in to forget and after moving on, in a minute it all came back to me like some kind of a flash back from a 90s dramatic movie and here I am, writing about the one thing I always thought I wouldn’t write about – The idea of you. After you deserted me, it’s quite obvious, I guess, that I did throw in a lot of curses at you for everything you did but after all these years, this Idea of you inside me, never faded away, but instead has somehow convinced me that maybe it was hard for you to leave me too. Just, Maybe. How much ever distant it is to reality or how much ever it really relates to you doesn’t really matter because it’s much more comfortable for me to think about it this way. After all, all that remains of you is just an abstract thought. I have changed so much ever since that I don’t even remember how I used to be. People have left me because they thought I was not being me and that I changed too much, for them to find whatever they wanted to find in me the 1st place & people came into my life because they resonated with the changes that happened to me. Hell, some people left me because they judged me as being the same old person and some stayed because they thought I was the same. It’s fair to say that even you would have changed but this idea of you, the idea of the person I loved never changed in me, but only grew very fond of me. I convinced myself that you had “died” because I really couldn’t find the person I loved, under this same old Chennai sky and all that was remaining was nothing like how you used to be. But somewhere down the line, this whole idea of the person that I once loved grew up with me and it said, “I’ll never leave you, Bhuvanesh. Even if you will “- Only that this time I truly knew it in my heart that it might actually turn out to be true. Ironical to all those poems I wrote about your looks, sometimes I don’t even remember how you looked unless I see that one picture that you sent me once. But I didn’t think a lot about you because, ironically, life was way too beautiful for me, than I ever imagined, to think about you. Life gave me a lot of souls to think about, than to think about you. Strangely, I was no longer alone in my dreams, I was no longer alone in conversations, I was no longer singing my songs alone and I never sat in a corner of a coffee shop all alone.  Life gifted me many opportunities that I think you never deserved a minute of my mind space to think about, but strangely, I believe that this “idea of you” waited patiently, hiding behind some mystical memory waiting for something that I am still not very sure about. Things were so ugly back those days that I seem to carry a stern opinion about it. I think it’s obvious that I wanted to stab this idea of you. I have cursed you more number of times than I have ever thought of you in a loving way. But this idea of you, endured it all, and kept convincing me that maybe the real person would have done all that nonsense, but this idea of the person I loved was never guilty, but guilty of love. It endured everything I threw at it and it has become a part of me. I do agree with V, from “V for Vendetta” – Ideas are bulletproof. I still do remember those goodbyes you used to say via your eyes, those late night texts, the way you proposed me, those many last conversations we have had, those idiotic dreams and the many heroic things I used to think to get you back and now after all these years, that favorite song of mine doesn’t remind me of you that often, that song ( Kal ho na ho) which I introduced to you and which you listened the entire trip you went with you friends, never bothers me; your name doesn’t remind me of you as much as it reminds me of that actress with the same name and yet today, this moment I seem to share too many memories with this “Idea of you”. Do you know how beautiful it is to know that such painful thoughts with someone can still have such beauty inside it? Do you know how it is to think and have an idea of someone,  that you know will never disappoint you? With a one whose maybes mean maybes? Everywhere I go, I search for this idea of you inside the people I meet. Many people came into my life and many of them wanted to replace you, and I did believe that some of them will replace you but let’s face it, you’re replaceable but my love for this idea of yourself can never be replaced. All the romantic drama that happened in my life after you, never made me fall in love. I was truly in love with you and that has given me the hope to look out for love with whomsoever I will spend my life with. “A girl like you deserves a prince charming from the heaven”, I said. “Bhuvanesh, you’re my prince” you said before calling and expressing your love to me for the very 1st time. But maybe all that you ever

Poetry, தமிழ்

Happy Madras Day

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This is a writeup I wrote last year for Madras Day.    “சென்ட்ரல் ரயில் நிலையத்தில் ரயில்களின் எண்ணிக்கை   மெரினாக் கடற்கரையின் தூரம்   கூவ ஆற்றுப் படுக்கையில் குடிசைகளின் எண்ணிக்கை.   தினம் நடக்கும் போராட்டங்களில் பங்குபெறும் மக்கள் எண்ணிக்கை   தினம் தினம் பேருந்தில் பயணிக்கும் மக்களின் எண்ணிக்கை….   என்று…. அனைத்தையும் அளந்து கூற முடியும்.   வெளியூர் சென்று ரயிலில் வரும் போது,  சென்ட்ரல் நிலையத்திற்கு முன்பு மெல்லிசை போல், கரைசேரும் படகு போல் அந்த ரயில் சென்றடையும் பொழுது வரும் அந்த உணர்வை வார்த்தைகள் கூற முடியாது, நெகிழ்ச்சியை அளந்து கூற முடியாது.   துன்பங்கள் ஆயிரம் தாக்கினாலும் பெசன்ட் நகர் கடற்கரையில் நண்பர்களுடன் சென்று போடும் அரட்டையில் வரும் சந்தோசம் எவ்வளவு என்று அங்கு அருகில் இருந்து அரட்டைகளை பார்த்து கொண்டிருக்கும் ஏழைச்சிறுவனின் சிரிப்பில் காண முடியும்.   எந்த ஊரில் பிறந்தால் என்ன எந்த ஊரில் வளர்ந்தால் என்ன தவிப்பது நம் சகோதர சகோதரிகள் என்று எண்ணி இயற்கை துன்புறுத்திய போதும், ஒன்றாய் நின்ற அந்த இரண்டு மாதக் காலத்தில் ஒவ்வொரு நொடிகளும் பொன்னொடிகள். காலத்தால் அழிக்க முடியாத அந்த ஒற்றுமையின் ஆழத்தை எண்ணி கூறமுடியுமா?   புதிதாக வரும் வெளிநாட்டு வீரர்களையும் பாசத்தால் நெகிழவைத்த “சென்னை சூப்பர் கிங்ஸ்” சட்டை அணிந்து, காலணி கூட அணியாமல் , சுட்டெரிக்கும் சூரியன்கீழ் மைதானங்களில் நண்பர்களுடன் மட்டைபந்து விளையாடிக்கொண்டிருக்கும் சிங்கங்களின் கர்வம் இந்த ஊர்   மீட்டர் போட மாட்டேன், போட்டால், மீட்டருக்கு மேல் எக்ஸ்ட்ரா என்று சொல்லும் ஆட்டோ ஓட்டுனர்கள் இருக்கலாம். ஆனால் அதிலும் பாசத்துடன் , நேசத்துடன் பேசி பழகி வாழ்க்கையின் அங்கமாய் திகழும் ஆட்டோ ஓட்டுனர்கள் பலர்.   வாழ்க்கை எங்கு சென்றுகொண்டிருக்கிறது என்பதை எண்ணி காலம் கழித்து இளையராஜா, ரஹ்மான் ஆகியாவரின் இசையில் அடைக்கலம் பெற்று பேருந்தின் ஜன்னல் கம்பிகளில் சாய்ந்து, வெளியே மாறிக்கொண்டிருக்கும் வெவ்வேறு சென்னையின் அடையாளங்களை வர்ணித்து கொண்டு செல்லும் அனைத்து நல்ல உள்ளங்களும் கர்வத்துடன், பாசத்துடன் சொல்லும் வரிகள், தான் ஒரு சென்னைவாசி என்று…   “நீ சொன்னதெல்லாம் பொதுவாகவே பெரும்பாலான ஊர்களில் உள்ளவை தானே” என்று நீங்கள் கேட்கலாம். அது தான் உண்மையும் கூட.   ஆனால், ஒரு மனிதன் தான் பிறந்து, வளர்ந்து, பழகி, சிரித்து, ஒவ்வொரு துன்பம் ,இன்பம் ஆகிய அனைத்தையும் பெற்று, பகிர்ந்து ,கற்று, தன் வாழ்க்கையில் நடைபெற்ற ஒவ்வொரு நிகழ்வுகளையும் ஒப்பிட்டு, நினைக்க வைக்கும் அவனது ஊர் அவனுக்கு கோவில் ஆகிறது. எனது கோவில் மெட்ராஸ்.   பெற்றோர், நண்பர்கள், சகோதரர்கள் , சகோதரிகள் என எனக்கு பல தெய்வங்களை அளித்து கோடிக்கணக்கான சகோதர, சகோதரிகளை பெற்ற என் கோவிலுக்கு 378 ஆவது பிறந்தநாள் வாழ்த்துக்கள் <3   இப்படிக்கு, அ. பி. புவனேஷ் சந்தர்” Happy Madras Day 🙂

Cinespecs, Poetry

From Letters, Stories and Memories, to Molaga Bajji and more…

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  Maybe having “Molaga Bajji” with a sip of “Kaapi” in between the bites is too old school for you. Maybe doing that when it’s pouring heavily outside and when Ilayaraja is trying to take you to cloud nine with ‘Raja Raja cholan’, is indeed too cliché a thing for you. That wasn’t the case a few years ago but I do understand that people have overdone it and that it doesn’t interest you any more.   But somehow I feel our generation is missing out a lot as they try to hide away from indulging in a lot of things which, the masses consider as “cliché” Maybe a scene with a male protagonist posting a letter to the female lead is too overdone according to you, but when was the last time you wrote a handwritten letter to someone? To someone who need not necessarily be your romantic partner. I bet that most of you are thinking about the answer Katradhu Tamizh Karunas gave about the same, but seriously do think about it again. If not before, just write a letter filled with positivity and love, and send it anonymously to someone who is super close to you and to that person, whom you feel will be able to guess you using the hints you’ve dropped in the letter. At the end of the letter, just ask them to give some hint acknowledging the receipt; for example, ask them to upload a Batman Whatsapp DP for a day. Do share with me how you felt after it. I’ve done it a few times and neither did I nor the people I sent it, ever talk about the letters. Neither Sarahah nor Whatsapp or Gmail ever gave me such an experience. Apart from all the novels you read how many of you’ve relished the art of hearing someone recite stories? Yesteryear teens had their grandparents reciting stories to them but because of the change in the composition of a family, we don’t get such exposures as we live in this new “Nuclear families” set up. But whenever you get some free time, do go to the story telling open mics and participate in it. If you and your buddies are too bored, fix a time period, let’s say, a week, to write stories and later meet up in some beach after that week and share your stories. Robin Williams wasn’t wrong in the ‘Dead Poet’s society’, my friends. There have been a plenty of jokes about the scene in Autograph when Cheran travels back to his hometown and relives his childhood memories. But how many people actually went back to all the places they lived in, to collect back the scattered memories and to relive their life one more time? Sounds like a melodramatic one is it? Do it once and you will understand that any drama involved is just a magnifying image of your own reality. It’s fun to write about Dejavu and Nostalgia in the social media, but experiencing it is yet another story. Travelling and exploring about yourself can sometimes be about taking your old diaries, your old photo albums and travelling back in time. There are plenty of things we are missing out on and for that, for this one time, I’d like to lean upon the side which says that too much of indulgence into the digital world is not so good for ourselves. From outdoor games, to foods, to relationships, to socialising, we have grown up but we’ve left a lot too. I’ll add up more to this list in the future. Now that you’ve read this, what matters is what are you going to do about it?

Musings

Relationships – Big Boss?

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In any kind of relationship, whether it is with your best bud from school or a new colleague in your office, it is always going to be hard if you are going to have a mind-set which is definitive about everything you share with people.   Such people are always noticed defining things, for example, like what is closeness, what is care, what is expression, how much you should express, how much time it should take to declare out as being close and so on, everything based on all the relationships they’ve had previously. This creates a tendency in their minds to extract out what they want from the other person in the equation than understanding what they actually are. In such types of relationships, “Being yourself” is a luxury spa zone, which you get to enter only when the other person is not much into the equation. It’s just like a Luxury Budget prize which you get to win once in a blue moon (just adding something for the Bigg boss fans)   Few equations just click instantly and a yeah few other equations may take time, no doubt, but having a predetermined mind-set about it is only going to create some unwanted tension. This mind-set is often confused with “Having Expectations”. Let me inform you, that this is an entirely different topic. Having expectations out of someone will turn out to be something very natural, as time goes. In simple words, if the issues relating to these expectations are like Speed breakers in a relationship, determining and commanding as to how the other person should be and how they’ve to behave or any such definitions, is like a road block. It might open up sometimes, but if you’re going to travel in the same road, you’ll be left to pay a hefty toll fare someday.   In most cases the “victim” in such relationships is the person who believes that “it’s completely normal and that it just means a few adjustments for the other person and which by the way is also normal”. It is not normal and you shouldn’t fool yourself using this “Adjustment Trump Card”. If you have to forego this in order to sustain a relationship, pay a heavy Toll fare that leads you to nowhere or take a detour and let that surprise you while you keep yourself intact.

Cinespecs, Poetry

Na Muthukumar – Return If Possible

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“இன்னும் ஒரு இரவு” என்னும் பாடலில், இன்னும் ஒரு இரவை தேடி அலைந்து, “வழிப்போக்கனும் வருவான் போவான், வழிகள் எங்கும் போவதில்லை” என்று கூறிய கவிஞன் நீ, அதே போல ஒரு வழிப்போக்கனின் பார்வையிலிருந்து “வழிப்போக்கனின் வாழ்விலே நிழலாக வருகிறாய் நான் கேட்கும் முன்னமே இளைப்பாற தருகிறாய் தருகிறாய்……… நீ இளைப்பாறல் முடிந்ததும் போதும் போ என்கிறாய் புலனைந்தையும் கொல்கிறாய் கொல்கிறாய் நீ…” என்று காதல் பாடினாய். இன்று நீயும் ஒரு வழிப்போக்கனாய், கண் காணாத இடத்திற்குச் சென்று, வழி தொலைந்து விட்டு என்றோ ஒரு நாள், வந்த வழியை பிடித்து திரும்பி வருவாய் என்று நம்புகிறேன். அது வரை, உன் வரிகளில் வழியைத் தேடி யாவரும் ஒரு வழிப்போக்கனாக பயணிப்போம். #ReturnIfPossible #NaMuthukumar

Cinespecs

Taramani

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“Motta thalaikum mozhankaalukum mudichi podradhu” A work of art need not be politically correct. Many a people would’ve felt like the story had lots of flaws but the way I see it, with what Ram states in every interview, a work of art is indeed one person’s truth being conveyed in different forms and the story is just a document of that person’s truth – It need not be politically correct to everyone. What impressed me a lot is how honestly he has depicted even these small incorrectness and thereby further proving his strong point. Taramani is more of an ‘account of the events’ that happen in the lives of the characters, which touch upon certain issues that the plot encounters. Yes, Ram did not give any direct conclusion about any of the issues he touched upon nor did he dive into each of them and preach which was right or wrong. The dialogue in the film “Unakku advice panna naan yaaru?” is what he states too regarding this. How these issues affect the “love” story (or how he states – A story about love) is just what is being conveyed and the voiceovers of Ram stating us as to what to expect next after every juncture itself acts as an evidence to this. I feel that right from the 1st word he penned down for this script, Ram would’ve been very clear with what he wanted to convey in this film. The well written characters fleshed out so beautifully and the actors have played an applaudable job. Maybe some people might feel that the metaphors shown in the film could’ve been made a bit more subtle but nevertheless they did make a huge impact. Contrary to most of the online reviews, I loved Director Ram’s voiceovers. With gripping background scores and perfectly curated cinematography keeping us engaged to the sequences, Taramani was indeed a TARAMani   Ending this with what he said about Taramani in an interview, “You will either hate this movie or love this movie but you won’t be disappointed and you won’t neglect this movie”. Hopefully.

Musings

Positivity against Hatred – Random Thoughts

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Look, maybe contrary to what others say, sometimes you might feel that the “love” others express to you, is a weakness as you tend to reciprocate more of it and that the “hatred” people show towards you, is what strengthens you. You aren’t wrong and you needn’t be totally right. I have been there too. But if you feel that way, use it and “start learning to change that hatred into positivity”. Some years ago after my schooling, when I was not at my best, and was just a broken human surviving with no hope or motivation about my future, I was fortunate enough to have learnt this lesson. I started using the hatred around me to build up my positivity and I still feel that is my biggest strength and I have also grown up to be a person who accepts love, as it is. It’s much similar to what we learn in our commerce classes – competition is always healthy if you know how to handle it. If someone is bitching behind your back, don’t react much for you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. If someone criticises you directly, sends an abusive message, etc etc, feel the pain, give it back in return if you feel your self respect is at stake, realise how tall you’re than them, ask yourself if you’re being true to yourself and use that hatred towards building up your positive attitude. This is exactly what I told in a write-up I posted previously about Isaignani. This maybe looks so simple to you given the amount of words written in the net trying to express the same, but you would feel so damn good in the future when you are wielding a super power of processing hatred into positivity and not just that, you’d be starting to think more before hating others. But it’s not that easy, as we humans tend to hate hatred. It is indeed tough, but that’s how it is supposed to be

Poetry, Short Stories, தமிழ்

மழையின் சத்தம்

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மழையின் சத்தம் அதிகரிக்க, போர்வையை முகத்திலுர்ந்து நீக்கினாள். “ஏய்ய் என்ன?” “மறந்துட்டேன். கொடி-ல துணி.” என்றாள். “பாத்தேன்… ச்சி விடு. இப்போ இங்க யாருக்கு துணி வேணும்?” என்று சொல்லி அவள் கழுத்தை இன்னொரு முறை முத்தமிட்டு வேட்டையாடினான். “நாளைக்கு office- கும் இப்படியே போறேன்-னு சொல்லு…நானும் விட்டுட்றேன்” “இப்படியே மழை பேஞ்சா office போக எப்படி தோணும்? முழு நேரமும் இங்கயே இருப்பேனே” பதில் சொல்ல வந்தவளை சொல்ல விடாமல் முத்தமிட்டான். நகரத்தைப் போர்வைப் போல் சூழ்ந்த அந்த மேகங்களால் வெளியே வெப்பம் குறைந்ததோ இல்லையோ, வீட்டின் உள்ளே சுகமாய் அமைந்தது பல போர்வை நொடிகள்.

Cinespecs

Where was “The Nolan Factor” in Dunkirk?

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We have seen enough number of movies about war/ relating to a war. I would bet that when I said “War“, you are already thinking about those massive introduction sequences, thrilling shooting scenes between the protagonist and the enemy ( like, Behind the enemy lines), bombs exploding all over and the protagonist running amidst them (Ex: Forrest Gump, Avatar, etc) scenes, the comebacks, the political twists behind the war and emotional conversations between a dying soldier and a lead character. But Dunkirk has no such scenes and Nolan was crystal clear with his approach towards what he wanted the audience to experience. When we’re talking about a real story which was documented in history, the information available is in abundance and a usual movie writer would’ve made his imagination run amok and create something out of the available. This is exactly where Nolan stood out. Purely for understanding purposes, if we take Hey Ram, Kamal haasan was clear with where his imagination should take over and where the actual facts should be highlighted. He knew what to show in it and had a clear timeline fixed to the script which circled around a particular incident and a time period in History. When we are talking about War Heroes, Commanders and Officers, one would create some spin chilling conversations between the characters ( like in Inglorious Basterds, a masterpiece of Tarantino), but Dunkirk has very minimal, yet very effective and strong dialogues. If all the above mentioned is unavailable in Dunkirk then where did the movie succeed? And the answer to that is the magic of Christopher Nolan. Without any of the above, he has managed to teleport us into the war zone, so much so that it suffocates to us when the soldiers in the movie struggle and it gives us a smile when something positive happens to them. Brilliant cinematography is another key aspect which gave a supporting hand to this magnificent writing. It was a sheer joy to see how the characters, which had no proper introduction or shared screen space, fleshed out eventually to the level that was perfectly required for the setting, only through their activities during the proceedings and the performance of the actors If Christopher Nolan is the magician to this Act called “Dunkirk”, then Hans Zimmer is the Prestige. It is safe to say that without Hans Zimmer’s scores, this movie would’ve lacked any impact and without the visuals and the writing, the background scores would’ve felt just like some alternative tunes to The Dark Knight Joker theme. It was a dual act which was executed to it’s very best. Handling stories which have morality as the base concept seems to be too easy for Nolan and we’re already ready to travel in this honest, painful wave filled of hope, a few more times. Let’s travel together into this emotional, intense, knee jerking portal and live as British/French soldiers for a solid 2 hours. Let’s experience a historical moment from the World War 2 from the eyes of a soldier

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