Musings

Musings

Random Thoughts #6

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I don’t know if I am the only one who feels this way or not.   So for example, let’s say you read and liked a post I wrote about a particular subject or you are interested in something I told you before (say, a film director/movie/any celebrity etc). Now, it’s not necessary that I should know anything else about the subject, other than the context which I have written or spoken of. Even if it is relevant to the context, it’s highly impossible for me to have all my knowledge about that context at my disposal for you, whenever and wherever you’re asking me and especially when it is something that’s completely irrelevant to the other topics which we were talking about that time.   People have to understand that personal choices, opinions and ideologies are framed in our mind after a series of thought processes and it requires that frame of mind and for some people it will require that particular mood to talk about it.   If you’re asking me via a text message or a comment, then I can take my own time to think about it and answer it. But when it comes to other interpersonal communication channels, it’s tough because consciously I know for a fact that you’re there either staring at me or giving me that awkward silence, expecting me to give a quick reply and hence I end up yakking something that’s incomplete or something that’s not very true, because of the pressure and later, after some time, go on to state the exact fact about it.   I maybe a hypocrite regarding this issue and if I ever made you feel uncomfortable like this, I apologize.   PS: Now I feel how absurd that joke- “students have to answer all the questions in all the subjects but even the teacher will not be able to do it” – really is.

Musings

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Like a cast of spell it makes us to see things differently. It will be the very same person, you’ve seen for a long time, in parties and hangouts; It will be the very same person whose Facebook pics know your face more than them.   But how is it that you can suddenly notice certain things which you never thought were that beautiful?   The way they shake their head while they talk; the way their voice changes when they speak about love, or something they love; the resisting smile they throw at you in the mornings which can make every emotion in your conscious mind feel shy; the way their eyes react when you’re with them; the way they sit; the measured texts, now growing boundary less; On how their strict parents have left them to text late night beneath the sheets, which protects those rays of cell phone screen light kept at its lowest brightness level; The way they sip their coffee, as if nothing happened, after fighting it out at job to get permission for leave so that they can spend some time on your birthday; The care they show effortlessly; The way they flirt; The way your friends have become so comfortable with them; The way they take each step while walking in those sands with you; The way they can adjust their schedules so that they can be at the railway station, when you’re going on a trip; The way they describe you through their art; The good qualities you’ve got from them; The bad habits you’ve got from them, yet which you don’t regret; The way they can think a birthday wish; The way they fight; The way things you thought were clichés have become niches; The million other ways through which they show love.   Even the way they break up with you can be beautiful.   Are all these love? Or is love, the fact that you can observe all these things without effort!? People who believe in Real Magic don’t believe in tricks or logic. Not sure if i believe in Real Magic, but i do believe in Love, at least now

Musings

Random Thoughts #5: When the old “You”haunts

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Have you ever felt that compelling pressure inside you when you know that all it takes to gain respect/ love/ attention/ friendship/care, etc from a particular person was to be like a person whom you can imagine of or to be someone whom you were in your past? Maybe you know that you changed and events in life evolved and made you into a better version of yourself, but the pressure to become that old person is too much. The reasons for such a feeling need not necessarily be restricted to another person; it can be about your workplace environment, your career, goals, and social relationships or hey, it can just be your mind and nothing else. Have you lived in those times when you have practiced a new routine or a new lifestyle for so many days, yet something or other, even if doesn’t entail another human, makes you feel like you’re getting back your old weaknesses which you conquered once and that you’ve no idea what you’re now and if all this is like a loop? You may face times when you doubt yourself, that if you’re slowly becoming that old person and if you’re embracing the vulnerabilities you had. The way i see it, no matter how much self confidence and emotional strength you’ve got, you may still feel the doubt, but whether or not to think upon the doubt is in your mind. Over thinking in this regard may harm your self confidence a lot. If you’re able to live through this feeling and if you’re able to be yourself, completely, even if you haven’t gained much respect/ or love or anything you wanted or even if things did not happen the way you wanted it to happen, still you’re a very successful ‘person’

Musings

Random Thoughts #4

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Whenever you’re addressing an elderly person, especially when you’re conveying something which seems to be in the tone of advising them or pointing out some mistake they did or giving suggestions, try to be humble and respect the fact that they’re elderly to you and also convey this respect for their experience. Maybe you want them to take the message so seriously. Maybe you are talking facts and maybe you have the evidences or assumptions with you. Maybe you’re talking with reference to something that happened in your life. Maybe you have crossed a very difficult path and you know things better than the other person. Still, if you really want to help them out, do appreciate their experience and convey this to them. You obviously don’t want them to embrace their egoistic side, avoid your valuable message and end up falling into the pit which you feared not to happen to them. It is completely fine to be egoistic in this matter. An elderly person will have a mind-set that they’re more capable of handling emotions and their experience will feed their ego. Let’s take a simple example, let’s say that you were in 5th or 6th standard when you remotely understood or you started thinking/hearing words like Kiss, Love and Sex. Or let’s say that you started using or hearing swear words. It seemed normal for you then. But when you’ve become a matured person relatively, seeing another kid who is studying in 5th or 6th, talking about kiss, love, sex and using swear words is going to make you feel weird. You’ll probably be pissed off and you will be worried about the parenting or the environment the kid is having. Even if you know the fact that you were like him, you’ll still feel a bit weird by that. This ego is pretty normal. Kids aged 5, these days are using Ipads and Iphones which you may feel is very bad but you have to understand that there was a period when people thought movies and television were not for children. This ego is because of our understanding that we think that we’re in the right age to know or feel about something and hence a younger person would not be able to relate to it. This sort of judging comes pretty naturally these days. People are going to come to you and start sharing their personal problems or start talking about something important and the minute they come to know that you’re too young, they’re going to dismiss you. Conveying the fact that you’re respecting their experience has nothing to do with the frankness of your message or the tone of your message. Maybe the person is going to dismiss your message regardless of you stating it or not, but it is always better to state this and then at the least feel satisfied that you’ve tried helping them out in some way honestly. “Age is just a number” will sound cool only in some situations and mostly only to you in this regard.

Musings

Random Thoughts: Harsh Realities

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‘Desires become fantasies. Passion becomes a luxury you can’t afford’ Is it just about money and time?…. You tell me. People doubted you? You know you can prove them wrong. People never supported you? Someone, some day will support you. Is it about the pain of letting it go? Maybe it is. Because you seem to get hurt every time you hear the word “harsh reality”, as reality seems to be too harsher than the word itself. You would want a person to do something which is beyond control and beyond the relationship you share with them, as it feels too comfortable to your mind. You want a staircase towards your goal as you think you have already suffered enough striving towards it. You don’t want people to change. You want them to overcome the hurdles of time and distance. You want them to not change the emotional mind frame you share with each other. You want all the facilities, finance, and support to pursue what you feel as you think the real struggle is only about nurturing the plant and not about setting up the pot. Ironically, your mind somewhere down the line did realise the harsh reality about this. Contrary to what many believe, human mind is too simple and fragile towards such harsh realities. Maybe you realised it and you don’t feel anything over it and maybe you could go on keeping this thought in your conscious. But not all situations are alike and predictable for us to subjugate whatever it offers. But what is the thing that’s troubling you when you have already realised the situation? It’s just that some fantasies and some desires seem to be so comfortable that you feel like floating aloft over every other negative feeling you feel. Your heart wants to keep thinking, that the reality is not really a reality and wants to submerge itself in this chalice of sub conscious, while your mind has already concluded consciously what it actually is. But we do overcome it pretty soon. The sooner we realise the fact, the less harsh it seems. So we don’t have facilities, finance, and support towards what we want to do. We can’t control and expect a lot from anyone. So what’s the solution for it? What is the conclusion beyond the mental mind frame we form towards it? Well you should ask yourself these questions and find an answer as there’s no other person like you in this globe. There are no custom made answers and that is one more harsh reality for you to chew upon.

Musings

Random Thoughts: Just Cry

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I had a good amount of points to make a write up about smiling, and it’s good effects. But when i was thinking about that, i personally felt writing about crying is needed much more than to write about smiling. Umm…Personally, for me crying is a very hard thing to do. I just don’t cry and no that’s not a positive trait which I’m boasting about. Infact during one of the many low phases that life has gifted me with, I was at a position when I had to let go of all the ego and just cry. But I couldn’t and it was not due to that ego but I just couldn’t cry. I spent one entire month in anxiety following that because I could just let go and cry. I knew I will feel okay if I cry it out. But I couldn’t. Even at this moment, I am just unable to cry .So having known about this, one commonly used phrase is disturbing me a lot. ” Aambalaya irundhtuu azhura” Wtf seriously? Ellarkum thondradhu easy ah sollira vishayam, ovvoruthanum ovvoru kavala nu. Do u people seriously know the depth of that? Like do u really mean it when u say that? Come on why do u bring in gender into this frame ? Avan avanukku ennavo azhanum na azhuvaan. You never stepped into his shoes to know what he’s undergoing. Its always easy to just tell him, ” dei life laam jolly ah eduthutu poiranum da, yen azhudhutu ellam “, but honestly speaking, maybe, if u were in his shoes, you would be dead already. So maybe he has the stronger emotional intelligence here, compared to you. So stop bringing gender into the picture. Oruthan azhuraana avanukku enna problem enna nu kekka pazhagu. Poitu periya dash madhiri enna da azhura, idhukellam azhuvangala nu kekkadha. It takes hell a lot of courage to cry in front of people. But be thankful that at least he has opened up and that he’s willing to show others that he’s not okay. For example soldren, Enakkum en friend kum oru prechana vechipom. Rendu perukum ore madhrii prechana. Avan adha marakka sarakkadikraan. Naan edhum pannama poi ukkandhu azhuraen. Naan en azhuraen na enakku azhanum pola thonudhu azhuraen..avanukku adhu thonuchu adhu panraan. Idhula rendu per melayum thappilla. Aana epdi oru adipattu kedakura aal thanni adicha ethukuraangalo adha vida kammiya ethukranga when the same man cries out. Avan azhugaya nirutha udane edhachum thappana advice adhu idhu nu pannira vendiyadhu. Stop that. Think. Bathroom la olinjirundhu azhudha adhu aambalathanam, idhe thaanga mudila azhanum nu nenachi azhudha avan aambala illaya? If you just tag gender to each person around us to their emotional state, then each one of us will be ‘a man once and a woman next’ according to your bullshit notions that women are emotionally weak than men. If u stereotypically state that men’s don’t cry, it’s like stating as if that to prove that he’s a man, he has to resist his basic human emotions. There are many other ways for one to prove if he/she is a man/ woman and it has nothing to do with such basic human emotions. Next time when you see a person. A HUMAN… Ummm okay, ANY LIVING THING, crying, hug it, love it, cure it , help it. Or just let it cry, but don’t spoil it by saying such idiotic statements Parents kum sollika virumburaen idhaye. Aana sila times parents ellam paasakkara people naala vera madhiri anbu thollai varum. Andha anbu naala oruthan open ah solla vandha kuda solla maatan.It’s completely unrelatable but definitely deserves a mention. ” Enda kanna azhuraaaa?” ” Onnum illa ma” “Pasikudhaaaa?” ” Illa ma” ” Vayiru valikudhaaaa? Thala valikudhaaa?” ” Illlla maa” ” Upma senjivechirken, en da azhura? Solla maatiyaa?” ” Ma adhan soldraen la ma onnum illa” ” Appo enna da prechana unakku?” “Theriyama un munnadi azhudhutaen ma. Adhan thappu, poi upma konduvaaa” This is anbu kolai I hope u understand what I’m conveying and try to make your environment, a better place for everyone to live in with peace. Just cry, baby. 

Musings

Random Thoughts: Queues Q’s

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I feel so compelled to talk about certain things, thinking of which i feel so irritated.. 1st problem I’m going to address is passing comments based on your judgement of physical capacity of a person. I’m sure most of the people would have heard this phrase being said by some jobless uncles standing near queues stating, ” indha chinna vayasula indha pasangalaala nikka mudila” or worse, “aambala pullaya irundhutu nikka mudila soldra” Well let me be clear, you don’t know what physical problems another person is undergoing. You cannot judge another person’s strength or weaknesses and he need not ‘declare’ his physical problems to you. Maybe he is perfectly alright and will spring up if you telecast a Katrina Kaif song video or Ms Dhoni batting video. Maybe he is just fed up standing and feels sitting down somewhere nearby will be more interesting. Maybe he’s going to stay up longer wherever he is or maybe he has some sporting event to attend so he is saving energy for that. I completely agree with the fact that people should have a fit, healthy physique. I’m working towards developing my healthy body and I hope all of you develop too. But that doesn’t mean that you go around ridicule a person who’s not fit and start applying pressure. If a person feels that he’s not at his best physical health, he knows about it better than anyone. So shut the hell up. Now coming to that whole bizarre, “aambala pullaya iruntu…” Yes,  Men are stereotypically expected to be strong, but i just don’t know how that is related to ones ability to stand in long queues or in bus stops. People’s physical strengths vary drastically from one person to another For example, i can lift an empty Gas cylinder without much effort. But the regular boy who supplies gas cylinders and who is roughly about the same age of mine can lift a full, heavy cylinder without any effort as it has become his daily routine. The 13 year old kid who supplies Milk packets to houses also does various other jobs like supplying newspapers, going around collecting Milk Distribution cards, etc. I always see him busy, doing some job or the other. i can never imagine doing anything like that. Now just because these 2 people are young and let’s suppose assume it that they’re unable to stand in queues for long when compared to me, does that mean I’m stronger than them? Maybe or may not be. There’s no need to be. There’s no proper standard to measure these things. Some people even go to the extent of giving statements like, ” look at all those girls who are standing. Look at those energetic kids. Now why can’t you stand?” Okay its a good thing that they find standing in stupid queues so interesting, so what? You mean to say they’re stronger? Will things remain same, say, in a cricket field for example? Last year i was admitted in Isabelle’s due to food poisoning. There was this uncle who was sitting near the entrance of my ward. So when the warden took sometime to arrange the room, this guy started a convo with me and asked. ” Ungalukku enna college pora vayasu irukkuma? ” I said aama for which he turned and looked at a guy who was standing behind him and gave this nakkal kind of reaction. After i went in, he told him “Kanda edathula suthi saaptu sarakkadikka vendiyadhu , indha vayasulaye food poisoning nu admit aaga vendiyathu”. And unfortunately my receptors heard this brilliance of a dialogue. ” enda naaye, Sky walk ku edhirthaapula irukkura Juice kadai la watermelon juice vaangi kudichen. Food poisoning aagi pudungukichu, vaandhi eduthen. Ippo unakkum adhe immunity level irundhurundha unakkum dhan da aagirkum. Adhukkum vayasukkum enna samandham? Seri adha kuda vudu, nee yaarra ******* en food habits pathi judge panradhukku? Kanda edathula saapduven hospital la seranum nu aachu na seruven. Adhellam naan paathukren, nee yaaru idha kekka?” But no we shouldn’t reply to them apdi laam, yen nu keta, “public nu vandhuta apdi dhan keppanga, pesuvanga, kandukama po” And some old macho thuglife unkils sometimes drop their perfectly crafted finisher move, “Enga kaalathula… Unga vayasula irukkrapo….naan laaam….. neengalum irukeengalae ” ” Reputed respected saar avargaley… Dhinam dhinam 5 packet dhum adichu TB vandhu kedakureenga. Ungalukku idhu thevaya? Ungalukku munnadiye porandhu sethaaru Bruce Lee aana unga moonja paatha nyaabagam varudhu Sundeli. Naanga laam enga vayasula enga kaalathula epdi irukom theriyuma? Unga vayasula engalukku varapora kaalathula epdi irukka nenaikrom nu puriyuma?” Nu kekka thonum aana kekka koodaathu. Apram avarkkum namakkum enna vidhyasam? A big salute to all people who had to painstakingly stand in long ATM queues. Especially people with physical disabilities and senior citizens. 😢😢👏👏

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